what, me? pregnant again???

i'm 44 years old, and i'm pregnant again! this will be my 6 pregnancy i've had. the first time was 20 years ago. we had been married 2 years and weren't even trying. it ended a month later in a eptopic or tubal pregnancy. i was in the ER with horrible abdominal pain and within hours had surgery to tie the tube. the doctor assured me that i would still be able to have children ....

several years later when we started trying to start our family we discovered that its not always as easy as they say. after months of trying, we went to a specialist. i started taking my tempature, we tried drugs for a couple months, i read books for helpful hints, we prayed and got prayed over. nothing seemed to change the fact that i just couldn't get pregnant.

finally when i thot i had accepted that we would be childless forever and i trusted the Lord that that was ok, i started having those symptoms that only a pregnancy test can determine if its what you think it might be! sure enough that spring i was pregnant! at last. we were overjoyed. we were ecstatic, we were walking on clouds. until early may. i started spotting, i had cramps. "no, no, no!! this wasnt' suppose to happen." but it did. i had a miscarriage. a week later it was mother's day, adding salt to the wound.

i was depressed. i holed up with my computer and played solitaire for longer than i can remember. every day hubby would come home and ask how my day went, and i'd reply "horrible, terrible, or some such adjective."

then in july the unexpected happened, the unheard of .... i was prenant again. but this time i wasn't happy. it wasn't suppose to be this way. i was still grieving. and over labor day weekend i started to bleed and cramp again. again, no baby ....

2 years later i got pregnant with josiah. our first born. our golden child. it was wonderful, it was marvelous. he was a gift from heaven. of course at 2 and a half he was diagnosed with a rare genetic syndrome, but that's for another post .....

then when our son was 5 i got pregnant again. i was ecstatic, maybe this time i'd have a little girl and our son would have a sibling. but 19 weeks into the pregnancy i started to bleed. the cramping was so bad that when the ER nurse asked me on a scale of one to 10 to describe the pain i had to say 10 or above. that afternoon i went into labor and delivered a baby girl. she was so tiny but yet perfectly formed with all the toes and fingers, eyes, ears, and mouth.

now i'm pregnant again! we are both suprised, tho maybe we shouldn't be. God's ways are not our ways, obviously. we don't know what the next few months hold, but we pray for a healthy baby and we are at peace whether we have another child or if the Lord takes this one up to heaven as He has done with the others.